Answers Don’t Always Exist

Something that I struggle with on a day to day (maybe even hour to hour) is answers. I need to know the answer to whatever question I have and I need to have it right now. If I’m asking you to hang out you better give me a yes or no within minutes or I start to get antsy or annoyed. I just can’t seem to help it. I don’t want to be the nag that I probably am, it just comes naturally. It also doesn’t help that google is great at answering all of my factual questions in seconds depending on what my cell phone service is like at that moment in time. But unfortunately sometimes answers just aren’t there. Sometimes answers are hidden from you or just don’t exist. Sometimes you aren’t capable of getting an answer or even worse the answer you get isn’t the answer you had anticipated. And when it’s not what you wanted, expected or anticipated you reject that answer or try to change it. Or maybe it’s just me. I can’t tell you how many times I have gotten an answer to a question that I attempted to change one way or another. Or I just convinced myself that it wasn’t the TRUE answer, it was just given to me to keep me from the truth. Or when I wasn’t given an answer I spent hours or days trying to figure out what the answer could be, posing numerous ‘what ifs’ in the process. This habit of mine is a particularly nasty one, a habit that can bring me from the moon to the bottom of the well with no way of getting out. I need to get past this need or desire to have the answers to everything; the need to know the outcome before even experiencing what leads up to it. Because most of the time no one knows what’s going to happen. A lot of the time people can’t explain their actions or decisions in words to you (or they don’t want to and being a small nerdy white girl I can’t exactly MAKE them do anything). You (or really I) just need to let go and let God. That’s not to say you should live life making no decisions and just trusting a DD dice like Sheldon did in the Bing Bang Theory that one time. But rather make decisions based on what your gut is telling you, what does that little voice tell you because THAT is God. You (and I) should trust that no matter what we decide or what happens to us or what answers we don’t get he has a plan. And odds are the plans he has for us truly are greater than any we could imagine for ourselves. So rather than obsess and overthink everything, we just have to let go and trust that whatever happened, even if we don’t always know why it happened, is for the best. And yes this is a do as I say not as I do moment, but I’m going to try and you (whoever happens to see this) will need to help keep me committed to this idea.

Enjoy life, be kind and love one another. God bless <3


Words, Words, Words

photo credit: two pair photography; found on:

photo credit: two pair photography; found on:

Words are funny things; fickle, beautiful things. A few words can have the power to lift your spirits to the sky or bring you down to your knees. They are weapons of mass destruction and the tools for resurrection at the same time. It’s funny to me how much I let words cause me strife or pain, although lately the absence of words have lead to more pain and questions left unanswered. Why is that? Why do words seem to be the true root of my problems? Words that I shouldn’t have spoken, words that I never expected to hear, or words that I never heard but longed to hear. But can’t words be erased? Deleted? Changed? Sometimes they can be with an apology (more words) or some whiteout. But the sting and all of the feelings those words brought on won’t be erased or forgotten. They may start to fade but they’ll still lie beneath the surface. But YOU can add your own words; fill your mind with positivity and God. Remind yourself that you are wonderful and lovely not matter what other people say, they just haven’t adjusted their eyes to your light. And remember that feeling those harsh painful words gave you when you have something to say to someone else. And always remember what your mom, grandma or teacher told you when you were younger: “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” But maybe tweak it a little, because honesty is always best but choose those powerful words wisely. Tread lightly when offering criticism, human beings are fragile creatures and words (try as we might) can break our hearts. Be careful and kind to one another.

God Bless <3