Now I swore to myself when I started this blog it would not be about love, or at least every post wouldn’t be me complaining about love. And right now I kind of put love (the romantic kind) off the table for the time being. HELLO I am in a wheelchair and literally cannot even go to the bathroom without some help getting there and situated (I’ll spare you the details). So I told my friends and family that I was taking myself off the market for the time being. Which is true, I have many more important and pressing matters to be concerned with without worrying about what some cute boy I saw is thinking about me or adding a relationship of that sort into the mix. And besides who would want to be with someone who looks like me right now and has as many medical (and emotional) issues as I do? Um no one. But those aren’t good reasons, or at least not the right reasons.
As I stated above, who wants to date someone who has to wear a patch over their eye because their eye isn’t exactly normal right now? Or who wants to date someone who can’t (at this moment) walk around or really even leave the house? Bottom line in my head was who wants to or would ever want to be with someone like me? No one, was the answer I came up with. And no, for you romantics out there, this is not the moment in time where I begin the story about how my true love has swooped in and saved me from my negativity. This isn’t a cliche story. But another love has and will continue to save me (besides the love from my mother, besties, and family).
But no, I am not ready for love because before I’m ready for that kind of love I need to first and foremost love myself. Now my (sugar) friends and family have done an excellent job at trying to help boost my self-esteem, but truth be told it’s still low. I still don’t like how I look or feel like I’m a good person. And of course just when I was starting to feel better about myself BAM the car accident happened And left me looking and feeling…well not exactly my best.
But what I have learned (well I’m starting to learn) is that doesn’t and shouldn’t matter in love or in life. God created you and He is in control of what happens in your life. And the only person you should be trying to please is Him. Because by pleasing Him, you will please yourself as well. And being “beautiful” or finding “love” means nothing if you don’t love who you truly are and if you aren’t doing what God has planned for you.
So to wrap this up, instead of taking a break from love, I’m deciding to be taken by the big guy upstairs (that’s God who I’m referring to in case you didn’t get that). I’m going to take this time and try to focus and figure out what His big plans are for me first and what kind of person He wants me to be. And when I’m ready, I have faith that God will lead to someone I never expected.