Taken by God

photo credit: weheartit.com

photo credit: weheartit.com

Now I swore to myself when I started this blog it would not be about love, or at least every post wouldn’t be me complaining about love. And right now I kind of put love (the romantic kind) off the table for the time being. HELLO I am in a wheelchair and literally cannot even go to the bathroom without some help getting there and situated (I’ll spare you the details). So I told my friends and family that I was taking myself off the market for the time being. Which is true, I have many more important and pressing matters to be concerned with without worrying about what some cute boy I saw is thinking about me or adding a relationship of that sort into the mix. And besides who would want to be with someone who looks like me right now and has as many medical (and emotional) issues as I do? Um no one. But those aren’t good reasons, or at least not the right reasons.

As I stated above, who wants to date someone who has to wear a patch over their eye because their eye isn’t exactly normal right now? Or who wants to date someone who can’t (at this moment) walk around or really even leave the house? Bottom line in my head was who wants to or would ever want to be with someone like me? No one, was the answer I came up with. And no, for you romantics out there, this is not the moment in time where I begin the story about how my true love has swooped in and saved me from my negativity. This isn’t a cliche story. But another love has and will continue to save me (besides the love from my mother, besties, and family).

But no, I am not ready for love because before I’m ready for that kind of love I need to first and foremost love myself. Now my (sugar) friends and family have done an excellent job at trying to help boost my self-esteem, but truth be told it’s still low. I still don’t like how I look or feel like I’m a good person. And of course just when I was starting to feel better about myself BAM the car accident happened And left me looking and feeling…well not exactly my best.

But what I have learned (well I’m starting to learn) is that doesn’t and shouldn’t matter in love or in life. God created you and He is in control of what happens in your life. And the only person you should be trying to please is Him. Because by pleasing Him, you will please yourself as well. And being “beautiful” or finding “love” means nothing if you don’t love who you truly are and if you aren’t doing what God has planned for you.

So to wrap this up, instead of taking a break from love, I’m deciding to be taken by the big guy upstairs (that’s God who I’m referring to in case you didn’t get that). I’m going to take this time and try to focus and figure out what His big plans are for me first and what kind of person He wants me to be. And when I’m ready, I have faith that God will lead to someone I never expected.

Friendship is Sweet

Friends are like sweeteners or sugars.

photo credit: weheartit.com

photo credit: weheartit.com

Now I will probably be referencing my accident and the lessons that have been taught because of it for awhile, so if you don’t like that then I suggest you stop reading my blog till the end of summer. Anyways, after my accident I had dozens of people wondering what happened, was I okay, and any other question you can think of. And some asked out of genuine concern, but others out of pure curiosity or just cause they’re nosey-nellies. How can you tell the difference? Well until something fairly life-changing happens to you, it can be kind of difficult to see the difference and which people are the real deal.

See it’s like sweeteners. You have your sugar, it’s natural (mostly) and then you have your sweeteners that will get the job done, but something just isn’t right. When you use Splenda and something is just off. You can tell it’s not really sugar, it’s just pretending to be. That’s how some friends are or can be. When your life gets hard and you’re really struggling they just aren’t there. They aren’t true friends, and they aren’t willing to see you through the hard times no matter what. No matter what hashtag they used when they posted that selfie of you two at the bar, they just aren’t there when you need them. These friends or life-sweeteners are take em or leave em. As long as you know not to count on them when times get rough it’s okay to hang out with them, as long as you aren’t expecting them to all of a sudden become real sugar overnight. If you know photosynthesis you know that can’t happen.

Then you have some of those in-between sweeteners, like Truvia. Ssee, like sugar it is a plant but it’s not quite the same chemical make up. These are your more casual friends, the ones who check up on you through some sort of technology when they know you’re down, but don’t always make the effort to physically be there for you. We all have those friends who will text us or post on our Facebook wall to make sure we are okay. But the second you want to hang out they go silent or are all of a sudden super busy. Oh yeah, you’re real busy pinning pictures of your dream wedding or cats. These friends, like the previously mentioned ones, are great, as long as you know what they are and don’t set your expectations too high. Now these friends may surprise you with a carton of ice cream once in awhile to comfort your broken heart, but not always.

And then there’s real sugar, nothing else is just quite like it. And please don’t go all organic or not on me, this analogy isn’t going quite that deep into the agricultural or chemical side of this. But like real sugar, true friends are the real deal. You can tell because they are sincere and genuine. They don’t try to fake you out, by pretending (like the previously mentioned sweeteners) to be something they aren’t. These sugary friends are there for you through everything. I am lucky enough to have a handful of friends like this. Friends who have been there for me while I’ve been in recovery. Friends who visited me, called/text/facetimed me to see how things are going and how I am doing. These are friends who, without being asked, have in the simplest terms: been there. These are the friends, who like sugar, have been there for me through tough times (break ups, failure, and rejection) and I have never had to question what they are. They are sugar, plain and simple, no questions need be asked.

But with that being said, if you want to have sugar friends you have to be one. Your mom, grandma or someone has probably told you that you’ll attract more flies with honey than vinegar and they’re right. (And no comments on how many flies poops will get ya, okay?) If you want true, genuine, there for you through everything friends YOU have to be that friend first. You have to be willing to drop everything and be there for a friend in need. You have to check up on friends just to make sure they’re okay. If I hadn’t done that, been truly and 100% there for my friends they wouldn’t do the same for me. And if they haven’t really been through any hard times during our friendship they know that if the tough time comes I’ll be there with cupcakes and some tissues or whatever they may need.

Whatever you put into the world is what you get out. So, logically, if you are a lame friend, you’re gonna get lame friends. Jesus wouldn’t have gotten any followers if he was judgmental or rude, he got followers and is our savior because He put out love into the world and loves everyone. And may God bless everyone who takes the time to read this. And remember to be a sugar friend, no one likes that Splenda aftertaste.

Change: For Better Or Worse.

So I have, over the past two months, gone through some personal and physical changes. I’ll just keep things brief and focus on the lessons. On February 23rd my life took a big turn, I lost (in a matter of seconds) one of the most important people in my life and most of the normality and independence my life held. The person being my grandma and the thing that cause this rather large change was a car accident. Driving home from church on a icy (in patches) road another driver lost control and hit my car head on. Luckily I am here to tell the tale, but with a price. I managed to come out of the accident with a broken femur, shattered ankle, broken arm, a weakness in my cranial nerve (the sixth if you wanna get technical) and a few more that aren’t quite as noticeable. I went through a lot of pain, tears and struggle, but I’ve always tried to stay positive. When asked why I was able to stay so positive when, considering everything that had happened, I had every excuse to be miserable I replied by asking what good it would do to be miserable? Sure I had my moments of weakness where everything just seemed too hard and too unfair, but I’m only human. Overall I’ve tried to push forward and stay positive because being miserable only makes thing worse.

photo credit: weheartit.com

photo credit: weheartit.com

And that’s true in life for everyone, even if you haven’t been in a life threatening situation. Being miserable and negative is only going to make your situation get or seem worse. There are moments where misery is going to feel right, like being miserable is the only choice you have. But I can promise you it is not. You can’t let the voice of Satan get you down, as cliche as that sounds. Because that’s exactly who’s doing it, Satan. He is a joy stealer and he will put your light out any way he can. And you have to refuse to let your joy be taken and stay positive that through all the pain and strife you will find your strength. And you’re going to need that strength for tough times down the road, because life is tough. But it is also beautiful. It’s filled with wonderful people and adventure, unless you focus on the misery. Although misery loves company, that company tends to be loneliness and despair.

I guess the moral of this blog post is to stay positive and keep fighting. Because things do, and will get better eventually; there is always a light at the end of every tunnel. It may take some time to reach or even see that light, but in that time learn to grow in your faith and trust that The Lord will stay with you and guide you through the darkness, as long as you keep your light shining bright. So stay bright and God bless <3