Fear is something that we all have and deal with on a fairly regular basis. I’m sure at this instance someone came to mind that you think is absolutely fearless, and I will tell you that there is something they are afraid of. Everyone has a fear or five, and sometimes it is nearly impossible to overcome those fears. Sometimes the fear is so destructive that it’s all you can think about.
One of my fears that recently has become more prevalent and more destructive in my life is the fear of getting hurt. Now I am not necessarily referring to emotional pain, I do have a slight fear of that but as I’ve grown up I’ve come to realize that emotional pain is just a part of life. No, I am talking about getting physically hurt whether it be from falling, slipping, or getting into (another) accident. See I have spent the last 8 months recovering from injuries I sustained in a car accident and it hasn’t been a fun time to say the very least. And I have absolutely no intentions of experiencing that amount of pain, that frustration, ever again. And today as my mom drove me to my physical therapy appointment I was thinking that I would quite honestly prefer dying to being severely injured if by some stroke of very unfortunate luck we were to get into a car accident at that moment. I’m not saying or implying that I want to die or any of that, but if given the choice of experience the past eight months all over again and moving on from this world I lean towards the latter. I would rather just wipe my hands of the whole situation and follow the light then deal with this all over again. Why? Well to be quite frank because it was in no way easy, it was hard work and if all of that hard work just went down the tube I don’t know if I could find the optimism to do it all over again. Getting by these past months has taken every ounce of my optimism and strength and I don’t think there is any left over for me to have another go at it. Sorry, but no thanks.
So as you can tell I am so afraid of going through that process again, or having to depend on everyone else for that much help, that I would rather die. Which means that this, my friends, is what we call a detrimental fear. And this fear will most likely keep me inside my safe warm home until the snow is done having its big rager of a party outside. Why would I dare put my safety and health at risk when I just got it back? I have worked hard to get to where I am today, I have been extremely patient with myself, and frankly I am sick of being held back by my physical limitations. I simply do not want to get hurt again.
But this fear is something I desperately need to get past because it will inevitably hold me back from doing a large amount of things, primarily things that involve leaving my house. So how do I get over this fear before it takes over my life? I honestly have no clue (see I don’t always have the answers). I rarely have complete control over what happens in a given situation and that terrifies me because that means anything could theoretically happen. And maybe I need to stop focusing on the fact that anything could happen and focus on the fact that it might not happen. Everything might be fine and dandy after all.
There is no easy way to get rid of your fears, and I’m not convinced you can actually rid yourself of them. I think that fears are always there, they just lessen or change as you grow into who you want to be. So I guess what it comes down to is telling yourself that you can power through whatever situation is triggering your fear; telling yourself that you are stronger than you think and you can’t let whatever you’re afraid of keep you from enjoying life. Bottom line, you only get one life to live and if you stay bogged down by fears you aren’t going to be able to live it to it’s fullest. Trust that God can help you with your fears.
But please pray for me when I have to get in a car again during horrible winter weather, I will need it.